Call Center Funnies 2

My job as a Quality Assurance Analyst entails listening to agents' calls, checking adherence to policy and providing feedback on their performance. Here are some of the unforgettable funny calls I have listened to..

Agent : "Hi. My name is -----. Can I speak to the person whom I can sleep with?"

Customer : Whaaaaaat???

(I called the agent in for immediate coaching...)

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Agent: "For future orders, please call 1-800-Sprint.com.."

Me (on live barge): "Arrrrggghh!! Its supposed to be DASH ONE, not DOT COM! Its 1-800-SPRINT-1"

(me collapsing in my chair, whipping my headset off)

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Coaching session for an agent who did poorly on a call:
Me to agent: "Sit down and listen to your call."
(after 20 minutes or so...)
Me: "So, after listening to your call, what can you say?"
Agent: "Boss, I sound like a matinee idol"
Me: "OMG!! One more day of this and I am resigning!"
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Agent: "Hi, my name is Susan. I'm looking for John Smith?
Customer: "I'm sorry, John passed away last week. This is his wife, how can I help you?"
Agent: "Yes!, I'm calling in behalf of -----, and we would like to inform your late husband that he is already eligible for a free phone on a new two year contract"
(Now this IS selling.. UNBELIEVABLE)
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Customer: "My dog swallowed my charger.."
Agent: "Oh my, now you have an ELECTRIFYING dog!"
(me collapsing again)
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Scenario: Customer Authentication
Agent: "What is the make and model of your first car?"
Customer: "Its a FORD"
Agent: "Ma'am, I said FIRST, not FOURTH"
(Active Listening score: FAIL)
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Scenario: Some folks in the US refer to the walkie-talkie function of their cellphones as "Chirp-chirp." Here is a funny situation where the agent was not aware of what the term "chirp" meant:
Customer: "I need a phone with a CHIRP CHIRP"
Agent: "I'm sorry, I did not quite get that. Is it a phone with a CHIP you're interested in?"
Customer: "No, I want a CHIRP-CHIRP. Don't you understand? A CHIRP-CHIRP!!!"
Agent: "I apologize Sir. We only sell phones here. We do not sell BIRDS."
(at this time I seriously considered finding a different job)
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Scenario: Billing Dispute
Customer: "Why is my bill so high? I only use less than 200 minutes and you are billing me over $100???"
Agent: "I am sorry to hear that. Let me go ahead and check your usage records..."
Customer: "Okay"
Agent: "I see that your bill amount resulted from data usage. You have been using the internet service on your smartphone"
Customer: "Ohhh... I guess my phone isn't that smart."
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Scenario: Selling mobile internet devices/pocket wifi
Agent: "Good day, my name is -----, calling on behalf of ------. I am glad to inform you that we have new devices capable of providing you internet connectivity on the go. This would enable you to receive and send email, browse facebook and other social media sites on your laptop or tablet anywhere you are."
Customer: "I already have internet service at home. I have cable internet! What is the difference anyway?"
Agent:  "Ma'am, our device is WIRELESS, and what you have is CABLE internet.. like, your internet is connected though CABLES, right? When you pull the cable, then you don't have internet. Therefore, the device I am selling you is better, CORRECT?"
Customer: click! dial tone..
(Stating the obvious...)
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Customer: "Before I talk to you about your rate plans, I first want to know how big are your boobs and butt..."
Agent: "BIGGER THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE. Now, going back to the rate plans, Sir...."
(Good job!!!)
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Customer: "I know my cellphone service outsources its customer service to other countries. What country are you from? I do not want to speak with anybody with skin color darker than mine!!!"
Agent: "I AM AN ALBINO, MA'AM. HOW WHITE ARE YOU?"
(clap! clap!)



Part 3 soon to come... :)