Call Center Funnies

Today I share with the world some of the funniest experiences I have had from working in call centers. This is going to be a good laugh. So, brace yourselves, world. Here they are:


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Agent (selling a shared minute plan): "I see you have a lot of minutes left over every month. If you sign up with our new Family Share plan, these minutes may be used by a family member"
Customer: "I don't want that plan, it is more expensive than what I have right now"
Agent (tired and sleepy): "Please Sir, why don't you share your minutes with...the Lord?" (falls asleep on the call)
Customer: "What???!!!!"

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Agent: "So, to recap Ma'am. You ordered a Motorola, flip, brown..."
Customer: "Brown? I thought you said I would get a black one"
Agent: "Sorry, Ma'am, the black ones are out of stock"
Customer: "I don't want no brown phone! I wanna black phone! A black phone!!!!"
Agent (afraid to lose his sale just because of the handset color): "Ma'am, please listen to me. This phone is so brown that it is almost black"


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Agent: (after reading a 3 minute long script) "Do you agree to these terms and conditions?"
Customer: "Can you repeat that please? I was talking to my wife."
Agent: "Sir naman eh..."


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Customer: "What's your name again?"
Agent: "My name is Aris, Sir."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"
Agent: "Its A for Aris, R for ris, I for is, and S for sssss. Aris."


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Agent: "Good morning, Mr. Demon"
Customer: "My name's Damon, not demon!"
Agent: "I am sorry, Mr. Demon"
Customer: "Its Damon, man! D-A-M-O-N, not DEMON"
Agent: "Can I just call you Mon?"


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Agent: "Is there anything else I can help you with?"
Customer: "No, thank you."
Agent: "Alright, Sir. You may now hang yourself"


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ON PUTTING THE CUSTOMER ON HOLD:
"Please hold on to me, Sir"
"Thank you for holding me, Sir"
"Can I hold you for 2 minutes, Ma'am?"
"Thank you for the long and winding hold, Sir. I appreciate that"
"I will be on the line, I will just be dead air, okay? alright?"


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ON SELLING:
"This is a flip top phone and you can fold and flip it anyway you want!"

"I am giving you a features and a benefits and you still don't want it?"

"I will waive the CHIPPING (shipping) fee for you"
"This is a free phone I will send you. Don't say no."


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ON CUSTOMER IDENTITY VERIFICATION:
"So your address is 1** ******* Ave, Pittsburg, PA. So, we will be using FedEx to send your phone to PANAMA"

"Sir, to verify your state, it is LA, right? So that is the state of Los Angeles, correct?"

Agent: "What is your SEEP (zip) code?"
Customer: "My what???"
Agent: "Your SEEP code, like SEEP, you know, SEEPER. The one in front of your pants"


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Agent: "I'm sorry, I did not quite get that. Could you please spell the city for me, please?"
Customer: "T-H-E  C-I-T-Y"
Agent: "Huh?"

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More to come.. (much, much, more.) :)